


Where Soul Meets Body

by igrab



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-29
Updated: 2011-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-28 09:37:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igrab/pseuds/igrab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything in his life had been a series of misinterpretations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Soul Meets Body

**Author's Note:**

> massive Birth by Sleep spoilers.

_And I do believe it’s true  
That there are roads left in both of our shoes  
But if the silence takes you  
Then I hope it takes me too_

  
He was four, his sister was eight, and his sister's best friend was eleven years old, which made him practically an adult and _very_ cool.

The best part was how he didn't treat Isa like a baby, or even Aqua's kid brother - he was just Isa, and Terra seemed to genuinely _like_ him, and even went out of his way to say hi every time he came over. Once, he even showed him his Keyblade - not a real one, of course, but a construct made of wood and string, with Terra's name carved into the handle. "We're going to be Keyblade Masters when we grow up," he said, and Isa didn't doubt it for a minute.

He was enraptured. Terra was just so tall and strong and kind, and he listened, and Isa wished he were a little bit older, so he wouldn't feel bad hanging out with his big sister's cool friends.

♥

  
"I don't know what you see in him, anyway," the redhead said, and Isa ignored him.

He was eight and Aqua was twelve and he had a best friend of his own, now, and it was a lot of work. Lea seemed to be one of those people that continually attracted trouble - from bullies, from teachers, from table edges and doorframes. He had more band-aids on his person than Isa had ever even needed in his life, and Isa had no idea why they were friends. Probably because Lea would be dead without him, and that kind of made Isa feel important. It was nice, he thought, to have someone around that listened.

But even when Lea came over to eat Isa's food and play with Isa's toys while Isa did his homework, his head would snap up at the sound of the doorbell. Only one person ever actually rang. Terra, even though he'd been coming down the street to visit his best friend since the dawn of time, was too polite not to.

Isa would watch as his sister, all long hair and ill-fitting boy clothes, came tumbling down the stairs to wrench open the wooden door, and there he was. Fifteen, too tall for words, tight black t-shirt and jeans. Isa always felt a little funny when he saw him; nervous, and kind of self-conscious, like his homemade jacket wasn't good enough. Terra was still the epitome of cool, especially with his new haircut and moogle-made magical mousse. But a part of him - some weird, funny little part - knew it was more than that.

And now he was walking to school and listening as Lea went on and on about how Isa's crush was stupid, and why couldn't he just like Quistis like every other boy in the class?

Isa blinked. " _You_ don't fancy Quistis," he said, quiet and neat, and Lea looked, for a moment, like he'd been betrayed.

"Yeah," he muttered, his small mouth turned up in a pout. "Guess I don't."

That was the last time Lea complained about Terra.

♥

  
He was twelve, his sister was sixteen, and everyone thought she and Terra were a Thing. It was a pretty easy assumption to make, the way they were still attached at the hip, but whenever anyone asked Isa, he just rolled his eyes. They _looked_ but they didn't _see_. Aqua had zero interest in Terra and all of his gender, and Isa had known that for a long, long time.

" _You_ don't think Terra and I are dating, do you?" They were both sitting at the breakfast table, a common occurrence, but as usual, Isa had his face buried in a book and hadn't been paying attention.

"What? Of course not." He frowned over the top of the spine. "What kind of brother do you think I am?"

"The kind that would tell me something I want to hear so he could keep reading," she said, with that diplomatic gravity to her voice.

He sighed. She was right, but that wasn't why he'd said it. "Aqua, you're _gay_."

He was tired of pretending and she was surprised, but wouldn't deny it, and their relationship flowed much more smoothly after that. But she never asked if he might have been, too, and he wondered if she didn't already know.

♥

  
He was sixteen, and Terra and Aqua were gone.

They'd been gone for a long time. Three years - Terra had left, and Aqua had cut her hair and stopped pretending. One more year and she'd followed him, pursuing the dream they'd shared as children, to become Keyblade Masters.

Isa had no doubts that they would make it. Terra was driven and Aqua was persistent, which were similar but not quite the same thing, and someday he'd hear the doorbell and look up and Terra would be there, a real live Keyblade in his hands, and Isa would have to restrain himself from jumping him.

He knew that was what it was, now, and three years hadn't made it any better. He'd vainly tried to find someone else, to be interested in anyone else, but it simply didn't work that way. Terra had become a part of him, as surely as Lea had, and just as Isa couldn't give up his scrappy, dangerous, tramp of a best friend, he couldn't give up the crush of his life. He and Aqua exchanged letters as often as they could, and every now and then, she would send a little something from Terra. He had never forgotten. There was hope yet.

But no knock came on the door; no Keyblade Master materialized on his front stoop.

Instead, there was a boy with blue eyes and blond hair, and a wooden Keyblade with Terra's name carved on the handle. When Isa saw it, he didn't know whether to smile or cry.

♥

  
He was twenty and his sister, wherever she was, was not getting any older.

A Keyblade Master had come to their doorstep, but he was a mouse, not a man, and he said his name was Mickey. He came bearing sad news - that Aqua was lost in the darkness, searching for the soul of her friend, and -

"What about Terra?" Isa had said, smoothing back hair he'd cut to remind him of his lost friend.

Mickey's eyes had drooped. "Terra's gone," he'd said.

But Terra wasn't gone. Isa knew that now. He stared and stared and couldn't quite believe his eyes, and Lea yanked on the back of his now-threadbare jacket.

"What's gotten into you?" the redhead hissed.

"Thought I." Isa's voice was faint. "Thought I saw someone I knew."

"Yeah? So what? C'mon, you look as if you've seen a ghost."

But he had, and Isa followed Lea around in a daze for the rest of the day. It was Terra. He would know him anywhere. His skin was dark and his hair was white but that - it was _him_ , what was he doing up at the castle? What was he doing in a white lab coat, like one of Ansem's apprentices?

He had to know why. He had to find out. Nothing was more important than this. He'd spent the last four years just... drifting, and he wasn't going to waste any more time mooning about. He was going to act.

♥

  
He was twenty-four, and Xemnas, for that was his name now, seemed ageless.

He supposed, in retrospect, that he'd gotten what he wanted. He'd gotten Terra, though not the Terra he remembered. He'd gotten respect, he'd found purpose, he'd dedicated his life to a cause and for what it was worth, he was proud of it. The others wanted their hearts back; he was just searching for Aqua.

He pressed his fingers into Xemnas's shoulders and heard an answering hum of pleasure; this was all they had, now. Xemnas didn't have the memories of a heart, the memories of what it was like to love another person, so Saix couldn't call what they had together 'love'. But he didn't know what else to call it, and if he had a heart, it would surely belong to him.

♥

  
He didn't know how old he was. He didn't know what time was anymore. All he knew was that he didn't have enough.

Yesterday, he had found The Room. He knew what it was when he saw it, and he knew who the armor belonged to. Hope, something he hadn't felt in years, sprung up in his chest like a sudden wellspring. Aqua was a Keyblade Master. She would know how to fix this. If they found Aqua, they would find Terra, somewhere in the depths of Xemnas's soul, and when they brought him back, he would still remember that Saix loved him.

He knew now that he did, too, love.

He was standing on the promontory, thinking, when he heard a sound from behind him and he turned, knowing what was to come.

The little Keyblade bearer had come for his soul, the one with Ven in his eyes.

 _My old foe_ , he thought, and summoned his claymore. _We meet again._

He had written on the inside of Aqua's helmet, certain beyond words that she would see it someday, somewhere. _Tell Terra that I love him._

But he hadn't signed his name, and he had a feeling, as Sora's Keyblade pierced his chest, that the message, like everything else in his life, would be misinterpreted.


End file.
